User talk:Ebinrt
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Your submission at Articles for creation: Salam Neighbor (April 28)
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AfC notification: Draft:Salam Neighbor has a new comment
Your submission at Articles for creation: Salam Neighbor (April 29)
The "Comments about the documentary" and "Stories, Articles and Interviews": It is appropriate and desirable to summarise critical and public response; to list adulatory quotes and catalogue positive press is not. (See also Wikipuffery.) Summarize the corpus of critical response and quote judiciously. The section should accurately reflect critical and public response. If some people reject the film, the reasons why are relevant, interesting, and useful. The "Stories, Articles and Interviews" section needs context.
The "Social Impact Campaign" section reads like a corporate memo or an executive summary. Please revise for encyclopedic tone. It would also benefit from more of a preamble to establish what it is, and how its connected to the film. In other words, state the obvious.
It might be best to delete the following: "Between January and April 2016, Salam Neighbor screened over 200 times in 120 cities and towns in North America". It reads like puffery, and it cites Facebook, which is verboten.
Statements like "A calendar for public screenings is available" are not appropriate for an encyclopedia article.
"Virtual Reality Film (in partnership with RYOT and UN OCHA)" seems too tangential. If there isn't a stronger connection to the film than just being another of the filmmakers' projects, this should probably be deleted.
I love the generous amount of high-res photos; however, some of them need captions that more explicitly establish their relevance. "Um Ali crocheting art from plastic bags" describes the photo, but it's not safe to assume that the reader has already read about Um Ali and knows who she is.
The "External links" section is excessive, and several of the links are either inappropriate or tangential. The official website of the film and the IMDb page are good. Official Twitter and Facebook are passable. The rest can go.
You have terrific material to work with. Excellent topic, lots of resources. The raw materials are here for a very high-quality article. The key to getting there is to get a feel for what makes a good Wikipedia article. Wikipedia:Writing better articles is essential. Have you seen the articles for, say, Not My Life (2011), The Boys from Baghdad High (2008), or The Sinking of the Lusitania (1918)? These are three featured articles that set a good example for writing about documentary film. Bon courage, friend.- If you would like to continue working on the submission, go to Draft:Salam Neighbor and click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window.
- If you need any assistance, you can ask for help at the Articles for creation help desk or on the reviewer's talk page.
- You can also use Wikipedia's real-time chat help from experienced editors.
Your submission at Articles for creation: Salam Neighbor (May 1)
- If you would like to continue working on the submission, go to Draft:Salam Neighbor and click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window.
- If you need any assistance, you can ask for help at the Articles for creation help desk or on the reviewer's talk page.
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Reply to your Articles for Creation Help Desk question
Hello, Ebinrt! I'm St170e. I have replied to your question about a submission at the WikiProject Articles for Creation Help Desk st170etalk 02:12, 2 May 2016 (UTC) st170etalk 02:12, 2 May 2016 (UTC)
Your submission at Articles for creation: Salam Neighbor has been accepted
The article has been assessed as Start-Class, which is recorded on the article's talk page. You may like to take a look at the grading scheme to see how you can improve the article.
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st170etalk 05:44, 2 May 2016 (UTC)Improving your recent article
Hello! Well done on your draft. It was great work, but don't give up on the article yet! It is now open to all Wikipedia users. I've tagged the Wikipedia page with three specific issues that need to be addressed so others can help. Please reorganise your article (the main section on the documentary) and divide this into further subsections. Anything about the release of the film should be grouped under one heading etc, so that the reader can navigate the article better. Hope this helps! st170etalk 05:50, 2 May 2016 (UTC) Also, just want to add, that the images are marked as your 'own work', which is completely false. This is why there is a copyright issue over the images, which may be removed from Wikipedia. st170etalk 05:57, 2 May 2016 (UTC)
Copyright Violations
Just to let you know in case you haven't seen your talk page on the WikiCommons, your images on the page Salam Neighbor have been removed as they were violations of copyright. st170etalk 06:07, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Hi. It seems the photo issue has been fixed by someone because some pictures are back on, but not all of them. I have worked on adding additional sections to comply with the layout guidelines and make the article more accessible, as requested. I also added the section called Reception, as was requested, but now there is a note saying it is too much like an advertisement for basically the same information. I also tried to deal with the orphan issue through two different citations, one in the article Living on One Dollar, which was made by the same filmmakers, as well as a reference in the article Documentaries. Have I resolved all the problems? Ebinrt (talk) 17:43, 7 July 2016 (UTC)
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