The sentence "Later some scientists worked out that it is true, Kansas really is flatter than a pancake." seems to be a reference to this news story: http://www
| A fact from Kansas appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know? column on 11 January 2011. |
The sentence "Later some scientists worked out that it is true, Kansas really is flatter than a pancake." seems to be a reference to this news story: http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2003/jul/27/holy_hotcakes_study/ Is this really necessary for the article? Kansan (talk) 00:43, 30 January 2010 (UTC)
First, this looks like a very good article to me. It is well-organized, covers important topics, and the writing is clear. I've noted a few small points and suggestions below. I hope they are helpful.
Early history: Nothing happened before the Spanish arrived? Compared with the model, Oklahoma, this picks up pretty late in the 1500s. But, I don't know any specifics to suggest.
Civil War: A very small point, but something about the word "hosted" in this sentence seems strange to me. "Kansas had a minor impact on the war, and hosted four well known battles." You might host a battle between sports teams or clubs, but I don't think people host warfare. Sorry, I don't have a better suggestion
Dust Bowl: Front the subject of sentence and simplify "This caused thousands of farmers to go into poverty and forced them to move to other parts of the United States." Simplify idiomatic "see the loss" in "From 1930 to 1940, the state saw its only loss in population". And please check "It lost 4.3 percent of the people who lived there." More precisely the number went down. It is possible (probable?) that more than 4.3% left and some others came in or were born.
Suggested: "From 1930 to 1936, Kansas went through a period of time called the Dust Bowl. During this time, Kansas had little rainfall and high temperatures. Thousands of farmers became very poor and and had to move to other parts of the United States. From 1930 to 1940 was the only time the population of the state went down. The number of people living in Kansas decreased 4.3 percent."
Timing/sequence problem
The Great Migration didn't begin until the 20th century--long after 1879-81--and continued until well after the next time period listed, The Dustbowl. I'm not sure what to suggest here.
1. Avoid embedded clauses like this as per MOS. Is: For example, the Sprint Nextel Corporation, which is one of the largest telephone companies in the United States, has its main operational offices in Overland Park, Kansas.
Suggested: For example, the Sprint Nextel Corporation is one of the largest telephone companies in the United States. Its main operational offices are in Overland Park, Kansas.
2. Define acronyms on first use, and maybe avoid one repetition
Is: The Gross domestic product for Kansas was $122,700,000,000 in 2008. Overall, Kansas' GDP accounts for less than 1 percent of total U.S. gross domestic product.
Suggested: The Gross domestic product (GDP) for Kansas was $122,700,000,000 in 2008. Overall, Kansas' GDP accounts for less than 1 percent of total U.S. economy.
Thanks for working this article into shape. Gotanda (talk) 00:06, 26 February 2011 (UTC)
There is a map showing Kansas location in the US, but how about a map showing more detail?
Two suggestions from Commons:
Just an idea, Gotanda (talk) 00:57, 27 February 2011 (UTC)
I made a couple of very minor grammar/simplification changes. The only thing left before I formally endorse this is taking care of a redlink in the state info template, which is Languages in the United States. I would say the best way to deal with this is to create it, perhaps using some statistics from English's similarly named "Languages of the United States". Alternatively, I suppose the link could simply be removed from the template. Thoughts? Kansan (talk) 15:42, 8 March 2011 (UTC)
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