In the psychological literature, a distinction is often made between two types of love.[1] Hatfield and Walster define:[1]
passionate love as "a state of intense longing for union with another. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy; unrequited love (separation) is associated with emptiness, anxiety, or despair"[1]
companionate love as "the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined."[1]
Companionate love is compared to strong liking or friendship love,[2] and is sometimes called attachment.[6][9] Companionate love is sometimes considered the same as the attachment referred to by attachment theory[5] or different[2] depending on the author.
Characteristics
In the Passionate Love Scale (PLS) form, Elaine Hatfield & Susan Sprecher define the components of passionate love as:[1][10]
Cognitive
Intrusive thinking; preoccupation with the thoughts of the partner.
Idealization of the loved one and the relationship.
Desire for knowledge: to know and be known by the partner.
Emotional
Attraction to the other; pleasant feelings for the other when things go well.
Ambivalence or negative feelings (emptiness, anxiety, despair) when things go awry.
Longing for reciprocity.
Desire for "complete union," permanency.
Physiological (sexual) arousal.
Behavioral
Actions aimed at determining the other's feelings.
Serving and helping the other.
Passionate love is more intense in the early stage of a relationship and often fades over time.[6] Companionate love is felt less intensely and often follows after passionate love in a relationship.[4][8] Both passionate and companionate love contribute to relationship satisfaction.[2]
Note that while Elaine Hatfield originally described passionate love as having a component of sexual attraction,[1] contemporary authors generally agree that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are separate things.[3][9][5][11]
Infatuation and attachment
A 2012 study by Sandra Langeslag and others determined that while the PLS is commonly used to measure passionate love, some of the questions actually measure companionate love as well.[7] Langeslag developed a questionnaire to measure slightly different constructs, which she refers to as infatuation and attachment:[7] She describes them like this:[9]
Infatuation is the overwhelming, amorous feeling for one individual that is typically most intense during the early stage of love (i.e., when individuals are not (yet) in a relationship with their beloved or are in a new relationship). Attachment, on the other hand, is the comforting feeling of emotional bonding with another individual that takes some time to develop, often in the context of a romantic relationship.
Infatuation is analogous to passionate love,[6] and the questionnaire asks about:[7]
staring into the distance while thinking of the beloved.
getting shaky knees while in the presence of the beloved.
feelings for the beloved reducing one's appetite.
thoughts about the beloved making it difficult to concentrate.
being afraid that one will say something wrong while talking to the beloved.
getting clammy hands while near the beloved.
becoming tense while close to the beloved.
having a hard time sleeping because of thinking about the beloved.
searching for alternate meanings in the beloved's words.
being shy in the presence of the beloved.
Attachment is analogous to companionate love,[6] and the questionnaire asks about:[7]
feeling that one can count on the beloved.
being prepared to share one's possessions with the beloved.
feeling lonely without the beloved.
feeling that the beloved is the one for them.
the beloved knowing everything about them.
hoping one's feelings for the beloved never end.
feeling emotionally connected to the beloved.
the beloved being able to reassure them when they are upset.
the beloved being the person who can make them feel the happiest.
the beloved being part of their plans for the future.
Infatuation and attachment co-occur, so one can feel them together at the same time, or feel infatuation strongly and attachment weakly and vice versa.[7] Langeslag found that infatuation is more associated with negative emotion than attachment, and tends to decrease after entering a relationship, while attachment tends to increase.[7] Participants who were not in a relationship scored the highest on infatuation.[7]
Duration
Passionate love is said to last about 12 to 18 months[12] or 18 months to 3 years,[4] depending on the estimate. However, companionate love is thought to decrease very slowly over the course of several decades.[6]
A popular hypothesis suggests that passionate love turns into companionate love over time in a relationship,[1][2] but other accounts suggest that while companionate love takes longer to develop, it is important at the beginning of a relationship as well.[2][5]
Passionate and companionate love are thought to be interrelated, but involve different brain systems and serve different purposes.[3][5] Passionate love is thought to have evolved for mate choice[13] or to initiate a pair bond,[5] while companionate love is for maintaining a pair bond,[5] maintaining close proximity and affiliative behaviors.[3]
Passionate love is sometimes compared to an addiction,[1][12] although there are differences.[14] People in the early stages of romantic love share similar traits with addicts (for example, feeling rushes of euphoria, or craving for their beloved),[12] but this tends to wear off over time, while the condition of a drug addiction tends to worsen.[14]AnthropologistHelen Fisher has suggested romantic love is a "positive addiction" (i.e. not harmful) when reciprocated and a "negative addiction" when unrequited or inappropriate.[12]
^Hatfield, E. & Sprecher, S. The passionate love scale. In Fisher, T. D., C. M. Davis, W. L. Yaber, & S. L. Davis (Eds.) Handbook of sexuality-related measures: A compendium (3rd Ed.). (pp. 466-468). Thousand Oaks, CA: Taylor & Francis.